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Parenting Adult Children August 11, 2009

Posted by Carole Lynne in Feeling Better, practical action, Spiritual Awakening, Spiritual Priority, spirituality in action, Uncategorized.
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Most advice on parenting is for people who have children living at home. But for those of us whose kids have grown up and have families of their own, parenting still continues.  The worries about the kids never stop, even though you may not see them everyday.  And to make matters worse,  when your kids are in their forties you still have the worries, but no control over what happens in their lives.

Parenting is a controversial issue. We are all influenced by our own cultural background.   As a girl who was born in California, and has lived in New York and Massachusetts, here is my advice to parents with kids who are grown up and living with families of their own.

Be part of your CHILD’S life: Do not expect your adult children to want to be part of all the old family traditions and constantly come home. If you want your children to be individuals with their own fully developed lives, then scratch the blueprint you have in your mind for who they should be.  Go to their house. Do not sit at home and cry about the fact that they used to like being at your house more than they do now. Take vacations with them to places they would like to go.  If you have a favorite vacation spot, accept that it may not be a place they are interested in anymore.   Those of us who are older grew up in a time where kids were happy playing outside.   Our children have grown up in theme parks and now they want to take their kids to places where they will be entertained. And forget about many of your old favorite recipes.  Your adult children may be asking for tofu, wheat grass juice and foods you have never heard of before, and that look scary to you.

Be PROUD of your kids when they are better than you are. If you have raised your kids right, they should be better than you are at many things.  Just as you have looked back at your parents mistakes and tried not to repeat the same mistakes, your adult children are looking at your mistakes and do not under any circumstances, want to be like you in many ways.  This is hard on our old egos.  But if your adult children are not trying to be better than you, then you have a problem.  Bask in the glow of your kids success.

Teach Your KIDS to grow old. Just when you thought you were finished with parenting, take another look: you still have a HUGE job to do.  If your kids are in their forties or older, then you are growing old.   All of us as we grow old have two choices: to take care of ourselves and feel good or let our selves descend into unhealthy living. Actually, we have had those two choices all of our lives: to take care of ourselves or not to take care of ourselves. But now, as older people moving towards the finish line, taking care of ourselves is more important than ever before. If we have age related health conditions we have to take them in our stride and get on with having fun with our families.

Create HAPPY memories that will outlive you. I realize it is hard to talk about our lives being over. We can talk to our mates about such things and perhaps to our friends who are in our older age group.  But this becomes a hard subject with our adult children.  So instead of talking about when our lives are over, we can distract ourselves and our kids from this whole idea, by having as much fun as possible in the years we have left together.  This is NOT the time of our lives to spend our time fighting or being picky with our kids.  This is the time to let go, have fun and create happy memories.

My mother in law created an incredible memory for me, which I will try to share with you without crying so hard I cannot write.  When she was in the last weeks of her life we all came to visit her. Relatives came from all over the country. We sat  in her living room and each one of us went and sat with her for a few precious moments.  She did not talk about her impending departure to me. She looked deep into my eyes and told me what a wonderful friend I had been to her. She also said  “Carole, I have one bit of advice for you. Do not get yourself involved with any groups where you have to do what others say. You need to always be your own person.”  I have always treasured those last moments with her.  In that moment, she was teaching me.  She was teaching me how to gracefully approach the transition to eternal life.

Psychic Medium and Inspirational Author Carole Lynne

www.carolelynne.com

www.carolelynnecosmiconnection.com

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